#4 Questioning

Oh right, I haven't post for a while.

I think a lot, these days.

By these days I mean since 2013.

I really am confused with everything, I question everything, maybe this is the time for me, the moment of questioning is with me.

Well this is what have been going on inside my head:

1. RELIGION AND BELIEFS

    I don't understand, really, what people are fighting about.

 People keep arguing about which Religion is right and wrong, and which you have to believe in, that they fight each other even torturing others. I can't see what they're doing, really. I do believe in God and I believe any God in any religion they believe in is not pro to that kind of violence, I know that religion teach us to do goods and be better  (or is it wrong?). 

   Then next is Marriage between religion, and lot of things show up too, it's like a never-end.

2. FRIENDS AND PROFESSIONAL

    As I became the leader of a project, It starts to make me see a lot of things I haven't really think a lot before, such as how my previous leader felt, how to talk as a friend and as co-workers, and about commitment.

For me, this past 2 months have been really tough, it is really that hard. I don't know why, but when I took part as a member, I always try to do my part as a member and my resposibility, when I can't I usually contact my leader as soon as possible, but now? I have to be the leader yet my member isn't like what I expected. I have to take over of everything.

    Well the thing that have been going on my mind is this:

  

- Why they would do that? Am I not a good leader? (Am I too arrogant? or I'm too nice? Not strict enough? Confusing? Annoying?) a LOT of thing running on my head BLAMING MYSELF.

- HOW CAN a person do that over and over again? I mean if you suddenly gone without saying but once, it can be understandable, people make mistake, but why again and again and again? seriously I don't get it. the MOST QUESTIONING thing is when you run and leave your work behind, then come back and say apologies 'i'll do better, etc' but then leave again without leaving mark, 

How can you face that person who you disappoint--or you leave just like that again? 

I know that feeling, avoiding a person,

but I don't know that feeling, being so irresponsible that not only avoiding but "If i have to I can't see that guy again" or losing my face. I don't want to have that kind of feeling ever.

That is why, HOW they do that? 

it's like un-friend someone, giving up a chance, and will give up a lot of chances after giving up a chance that you had.

3. THEY ARE GETTING OLDER

Once I saw sticker written: "Sometimes you're too busy growing up you forget they get older too".

 It is like a thunderstorm.

That keeps me thinking a lot and makes me worry when they get sick, but at the same time asking myself: 'are you worthy enough?' 'do you really will make them happy by do this?' 'Will I disappoint them..?' 

and 'How can you possibly forget??'

evertime I am TOO BUSY GROWING UP.